It’s been a long while since I’ve written anything and even longer since I wrote anything personal or of substance.  I have a lot going on in my life right now and to someone on the outside it may seem that I’m just anti social or a work-a-holic trying to fill some void in my life.  But the truth is that I’m seeking to improve my position in life.  Sure things for the most part are comfortable.  I have a nice home and a happy home life but there are a lot of things that I am personally working to overcome.  Anyone who reads my blog regularly knows that I struggle with self esteem and I’m sure deep down that’s why I generally keep my blog light hearted and superficial.  But I really am striving to get my mind and my life in a better place.

I’ve recently been offered a promotion at work.  It’s something that I’ve wanted badly and I’ve made a point to make that fact known to the powers that be.  I feel like I deserve the promotion as not only do I work hard but I truly believe I’m good at what I do.  Yesterday, I took a blow to the stomach: I walked up on one of my employees writing her thoughts on a piece of paper, I caught just enough of what she was writing to read, “Kayla’s ego is too big for her to be a good manager”!  It was a hard pill for me to swallow.  My staff doesn’t yet know that I’m moving to another department within the company and lately there has been some resentment on their part because I have been less and less available to them as I’ve been in a lot of meetings and training in preparation for my new position.  Somehow in the mixture of everything going on I’ve given her or them the impression that I am too good to assist them, and that couldn’t be further from the truth!  Yesterday was a rough day anyway, we were shorthanded and such and so I was already running in a million directions.  It’s hard to feel like you’re good at anything when you don’t really have time to invest in any one thing completely.  I’ll step into my new position right after Independence Day… there’s a lot I need to learn and do in preparation for the promotion and lately if you ask Christian I’ve been spreading myself thin; but it’s all for a good cause.  I just keep telling myself that it’s only a matter of weeks that I have to wear so many hats.  In fact, the owner is flying to Phoenix tomorrow to hire my replacement which will relieve a lot of stress on me and help bring back some solidity to my staff.  In the meantime I can’t help feeling like I’ve let everyone down… I guess that’s my self esteem talking again.  I need to learn to just ignore the negative thoughts.

On the flip side… although I’m moving from a posh salaried position to one that’s straight commission, I easily have the potential to make three times what I’m making currently and I’ll no longer be required to work Saturdays!  Although things right now are extremely stressful, and Christian and I don’t get any real time together to speak of, I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel and a chance for us to improve our lives and our lifestyle.  In so many ways I couldn’t be more blessed!

Thanks for listening!